The Jealousy Factor

Is jealousy a healthy part of a relationship?  It just might be…. its all in the “frame”.

Destructive or constructive.

We all know the destructive jealous feeling.  The needy clingy, pissy, absolutely insecure, jealous fit of rage – I can’t believe the asshole would do that! And in public! In front of my friends, rage.  For…….flirting, ogling a nice pair of breasts, or GASP – talking to another female!  What happens next? Hissy fit? Give him the silent treatment? Tit-for-tat behavior?  (Make him jealous).  Annnnnnnddddd in his mind what does he see?  Oh rats! This just confirmed his built in programming of the irrational crazy female stereotype. (And an opportunity for makeup sex.) But does it solidify commitment in his mind? Does it encourage him to come home to you? To choose you? To say Damn! I’ve got the best babe around and I am never going to let her go? Or, does it compel him to stick around for a while, suffer through your hot mess of mind fucks, until something better comes along?   Time for a bit of raw honesty.

Soooooo, is he really an asshole or is it your own insecurities and mindset? Let’s say just for the sake of argument here, it’s your mindset and how you interpret his behavior.  Remember, he’s a man. A handsome, masculine, MAN! He is delicious.  And you want him.  Think on this for just a moment when you start to see red.  Don’t fall for it.

Constructive jealousy- oh new concept!

You are attracted to him for a reason.  Logic follows other females should be attracted to “your man”also.  If they are not….then you need to worry for sure.  That’s a red flag all by itself!  The question is really about how to keep him and make sure you are encouraging him to be the man you were attracted to in the beginning.

When you see him flirting, chicks hanging off his every word, STOP – don’t approach, don’t break in.  He needs this to remind himself he is a man of worth.  Your behavior is in your control.  Step back and appreciate that he is a sexy, attractive man and he his yours. Oh and oh my look at all the others who agree with you.   Think about the behavior you can exhibit that will compel him to always choose you as the one he takes home.

1.  Anticipate his needs –  casually keep your eye on him.  Drink running low? Get him another before he asks.  Don’t interrupt or try to interfere in his conversation.  Deliver the drink, whisper in his ear  – you can’t wait until later – for what he is going to do to you.   Walk away.        Pay attention, celebrate his masculinity, appreciate his attractiveness, SHOW him.   Actions over words.  Do not listen to the chatter of your girlfriends, smile to yourself and keep your secret.  They are the ones that are jealous of what you have.  You know this is true.   All these other girls, women and “friends” are validating your selection.  Rejoice in it.

2.  When you get home, even if you are dog tired, show him why he loves coming home to/with you.  What need did you anticipate? And graciously with out discussion or argument provide? (Clue….sex.)

2.  Make sure you take care of you.  Body, mind and spirit. Yes, body first! Men are visual animals!  They enjoy the female form  keep yours in good shape.  He’s worth it and it ups your SMV in his eyes.

Jealousy – it’s really a constructive emotion if you appreciate it for what it is.  A little bit helps us remember to appreciate what we have in our masculine, hunk of a man.

Author: The Private Woman

Discussing the differences, celebrating the masculine and feminine and how we belong together.

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